Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sadness
I've just learned of the tragic and untimely accidental death of one of the loveliest people I ever met during my legal and business career. Generous, enthusiastic, supportive, friendly, good-hearted, welcoming, smart, reliable and on top of everything - these are words not routinely associated with high-powered big-law-firm litigators, but they characterized her to a T and no one who knew her would disagree. She was also an exceptional mother to four delightful children, a happy wife, a devoted daughter (someone whose charming parents you were wont to meet when you met her at her house for drinks before you and your husbands went out to dinner), and that rare person who got personally involved with a variety of charitable causes, to all of which she was an energetic driving force. When I first met her, I thought she might be too good to be true, but I learned over time that not only was she for real, but my early impressions of her were actually inaccurate on the low side. She was a truly wonderful person, and I feel heartsick as well as bereaved to know she's no longer alive. The world is diminished to have lost her.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
30 Years
As both a milestone and a concept, "30 years" seems to be everywhere lately. Yesterday, I read numerous headlines about the 30th anniversary of Star Wars' release. My own 30th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks. At my son's college graduation at the end of April, I couldn't help thinking about my own graduation from the same university 31 years ago. I ran into one of my law school classmates in Los Angeles a couple weeks ago, and we were exclaiming over how it's been nearly 30 years since we left the U of C (that's Chicago, for you non-midwestern readers).
It could be for any one of these reasons (including, even, Star Wars, which I remember being dragged to in the summer of 1977 by my then brand-new husband; didn't like it), but I've been remembering what it felt like to be in my 20s. It seemed impossible then that anything relating to me would ever be 30 years ago. Now, practically all of the milestone events of my life (birth, education, marriage) are that far in the past or more, but 30 years as a concept still seems much longer than the amount of time I've been around. Interesting. I suppose the next meaningful 30-year milestone will be when my daughter is 30 in 2012. Yikes! It's alarming to think of having a 30-year-old child (not to mention a year with the label "2012"). Suppose I'll finally feel old then?? (I'm guessing not.)
It could be for any one of these reasons (including, even, Star Wars, which I remember being dragged to in the summer of 1977 by my then brand-new husband; didn't like it), but I've been remembering what it felt like to be in my 20s. It seemed impossible then that anything relating to me would ever be 30 years ago. Now, practically all of the milestone events of my life (birth, education, marriage) are that far in the past or more, but 30 years as a concept still seems much longer than the amount of time I've been around. Interesting. I suppose the next meaningful 30-year milestone will be when my daughter is 30 in 2012. Yikes! It's alarming to think of having a 30-year-old child (not to mention a year with the label "2012"). Suppose I'll finally feel old then?? (I'm guessing not.)
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Lessons in Web Design
I've learned so much about how people surf since I put up my website in January. Well, at least how they surf my site. My site designers made a big production about the need for what they called a high impact home page. Their reasoning seemed sensible to me at the time, but I've discovered that very little matters other than the top navigational bar. I single out new pages and write new copy for the bullet point items in the What's New section of my home page at least weekly, but it garners almost no attention at all. You'd expect to see a spike in visits to What's New section pages, but no. Judging from page hit numbers and patterns, sub-pages seem to get hit when someone is already poking around in their area, not because they were highlighted on the home page. I spend what I'm realizing is an inordinate and utterly non-cost-effective amount of time on the What's New section. I'm tempted to put up bullet points in another language or in gibberish - or write something inappropriate - just to see what happens.
What people like to do is click on all the tabs in the top navigational bar. This is often apparently just for fun - I continue to get a lot of hits on the Contact page without a lot of corresponding contact, and the correlation between clicks on the Order page and actual orders of my books is, shall we say, far from one-for-one.
The web folks also insisted that the best sites are "sticky" sites - meaning that they get a lot of repeat visitors. I'm not sure exactly why this is considered so great. As long as average daily page hits continue to increase, do I really care if it's repeat visitors or new ones? In fact, in the interest of selling books, might I not actually prefer all new people? Is there really much chance that the supply of potential new visitors will run out before I do? Still, though, I guess I'll stipulate that repeat visits probably signify that the site is of interest or useful or something else good. I do want to maintain a site that is useful and fun. But it's hard to be purposeful about what I post with all this seemingly aimless surfing. It's all a bit more of an "if you build it, they will come" shot in the dark than I expected. Luckily, I enjoy the effort.
What people like to do is click on all the tabs in the top navigational bar. This is often apparently just for fun - I continue to get a lot of hits on the Contact page without a lot of corresponding contact, and the correlation between clicks on the Order page and actual orders of my books is, shall we say, far from one-for-one.
The web folks also insisted that the best sites are "sticky" sites - meaning that they get a lot of repeat visitors. I'm not sure exactly why this is considered so great. As long as average daily page hits continue to increase, do I really care if it's repeat visitors or new ones? In fact, in the interest of selling books, might I not actually prefer all new people? Is there really much chance that the supply of potential new visitors will run out before I do? Still, though, I guess I'll stipulate that repeat visits probably signify that the site is of interest or useful or something else good. I do want to maintain a site that is useful and fun. But it's hard to be purposeful about what I post with all this seemingly aimless surfing. It's all a bit more of an "if you build it, they will come" shot in the dark than I expected. Luckily, I enjoy the effort.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Specifics and Generalities
Some wise wag (I think) once said something along the lines of "I love mankind. It's people I can't stand." I've been thinking about this ever since a woman in Los Angeles last week asked me an interesting question during a conversation about the different ways men and women approach things like work, work-life balance, one another, etc. She noted that in A Merger of Equals many of the female characters have pretty cynical attitudes toward men and the predominantly male institutions they work in, but that most of them nevertheless find great men along the way. Her question was: were the women's cynical assumptions about men unfounded or were the women just lucky? The question has stuck in my mind, and I've realized that my underlying belief about all this is sort of the opposite of the "I love mankind. It's people I can't stand" attitude.
The relationships between specifics and generalities intrigue me. I've always been amazed by how quickly the specific becomes the generic at work relative to out-of-the-mainstream people. One woman or person of color quits or doesn't do well in a traditionally white male work environment and the institutional powers that be very quickly start fretting about the commitment or suitability of every woman or person of color - a phenomenon that does not occur when an individual white male quits or doesn't do well. As a woman at work, I often felt like a representative of women, a flagbearer of sorts, and that was a heavy additional burden to shoulder. And like the aphorism, while I wholeheartedly believed (and believe) in the rights and abilities of women as a group, I, like everyone else, came across a few individual women I had to grit my teeth to support.
But it goes the other way, too. There are certainly jerks and assholes among the male population, in fact and in my book. And a male-tinged inhospitability certainly pervades a lot of traditionally male work institutions. As a group, particularly at work, men can seem deserving of the cynical and distrustful attitudes that women trying to succeed often have of them. But my experience with individual men, like that of my fictional characters, has been overwhelmingly good. As individuals, most men are decent human beings, and many of them are great. Just like women. So I guess my female characters are both right and wrong to start off (and, in some cases, continue) with such cynical attitudes. And a better answer to the interesting question than the one I gave last week is that you'll get farther with a trusting attitude, hedged by whatever private skepticism suits you, than you will with a cynical and distrusting attitude. Mankind in general may or may not deserve cynicism, but individual people generally do not.
The relationships between specifics and generalities intrigue me. I've always been amazed by how quickly the specific becomes the generic at work relative to out-of-the-mainstream people. One woman or person of color quits or doesn't do well in a traditionally white male work environment and the institutional powers that be very quickly start fretting about the commitment or suitability of every woman or person of color - a phenomenon that does not occur when an individual white male quits or doesn't do well. As a woman at work, I often felt like a representative of women, a flagbearer of sorts, and that was a heavy additional burden to shoulder. And like the aphorism, while I wholeheartedly believed (and believe) in the rights and abilities of women as a group, I, like everyone else, came across a few individual women I had to grit my teeth to support.
But it goes the other way, too. There are certainly jerks and assholes among the male population, in fact and in my book. And a male-tinged inhospitability certainly pervades a lot of traditionally male work institutions. As a group, particularly at work, men can seem deserving of the cynical and distrustful attitudes that women trying to succeed often have of them. But my experience with individual men, like that of my fictional characters, has been overwhelmingly good. As individuals, most men are decent human beings, and many of them are great. Just like women. So I guess my female characters are both right and wrong to start off (and, in some cases, continue) with such cynical attitudes. And a better answer to the interesting question than the one I gave last week is that you'll get farther with a trusting attitude, hedged by whatever private skepticism suits you, than you will with a cynical and distrusting attitude. Mankind in general may or may not deserve cynicism, but individual people generally do not.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Orbiting Orbitz
Warning: Helpless giggling may ensue as you read this post.
I set forth below, unabridged, malapropisms intact, and as it occurred (but for identifying info), an actual string of email correspondence. It speaks for itself and, in so doing, tells a very sad story that is also somehow totally hilarious. Is this merely more evidence of what's wrong with customer service in America? Or have I uncovered a neat scam in how these so-called "best rate" sites work? You be the judge - and enjoy.
------------------------
From Me to Orbitz's online email contact address
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 10:42AM
When I booked my stay at the [HOTEL] (confirm #), the rate quoted was $385.36. This included a room rate of $329, plus $56.23 in taxes and fees. This total amount was charged to my credit card and appears on my May bill. The hotel actually charged me a total of $307.76, consisting of a room rate of $269.78 and taxes of $37.98. Will the difference be credited to my credit card and, if so, in what amount? If not, why not?
Thanks.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 12:01 PM
Dear Debra,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
In reviewing our reservation system, I show that you have a confirmed a past hotel reservation titled [identifying info].
With response to your query, we request you to contact our hotel helpdesk at 888-656-4546 for further assistance on this issue. Our Customer Service representative will be glad to assist you.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Harris
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 12:05 PM
Thanks, but I already tried the phone approach and I do not deal with automated phone systems. Like most customers, I find them an exercise in frustration and I suggest that you eliminate them. If phone is the only way for this to be handled, please ask a phone representative to call me at [number]. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 1:55 PM
Dear Debra,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
In reviewing our reservation system and your account under the e-mail address ' ', I see that you have a past hotel reservation titled [identifying info].
Due to a heavy inflow of calls you may experience some difficulty in contacting us. We apologize for the inconvenience this may cause and greatly appreciate your patience.
For security reason, we, at Orbitz Customer Service E-mail are unable to make outbound calls and hence, unable to contact you via phone.
However, for further clarification with regards to your issue, please contact our hotel helpdesk at 1-888-656-4546.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Frank
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 2:04 PM
As I wrote before, I do not deal with automated phone response systems. I will not call again. If my question cannot be answered from your end via either email or a phone call to me, I will simply chalk this up to experience and stop doing business with Orbitz. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 3:47 PM
Dear Orbitz Customer,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused and troubled you.
In reviewing your 'My Trips' and our resources, I show that your hotel reservation titled [identifying info] was a prepaid reservation and the hotel should not have charged you. The only additional charges from the hotel could for any incidentals.
If you have been double charged for this hotel reservation, please contact our hotel helpdesk at 888-656-4546 or if you are calling from outside of US, please contact us on our international number at 312-416-0018 to have this resolved.
We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Nick
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 4:20 PM
You have missed the point of my question. The hotel did not charge me separately. What it did was give me a statement for my records showing what was charged, and this amount was less than what Orbitz charged to my credit card. My question relates to the difference between the $329 room rate charged by Orbitz and the $269.78 on the statement from the hotel. (Please see my original email.) As I have now said several times, I will not be calling anyone. Your automated customer service phone system is a nightmare that I have no interest in revisiting. Please either answer my question via email or let me know that you are not prepared to do so. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 7:41 PM
Dear Orbitz Customer,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
We apologize for the inconvenience caused. When you call Orbitz Customer Service, the automated voice would ask you to enter your phone number. You may ignore this prompt. You may be asked to enter your phone number 2 or 3 times, but please ignore the prompt without answering.
You will then be directed to the main menu. You will be asked to choose from Flights, Hotels and Cars. Say 'Help' on this prompt and you will be directed to a Customer Service representative.
Orbitz is a self booking internet service tool where you act as your own travel agent to make your travel plans. We are unable to quote these fares through e-mail, as they are constantly changing.
For further assistance, we advise you to contact the Orbitz Customer Service at 1-888-656-4546 or Internationally 1-312-416-0018, our agents will be glad to assist you.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Yeshuah
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Tue, 15 May 2007 9:42 AM
I assume the last few "responses" in this email string are intended as some sort of joke. Please (1) review my original question [identifying info], (2) read the rest of the email string, and (3) let me know if you are able to answer my question via email or not. Please do not send me any further instructions about calling your number. I believe I have made my position on that clear. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Tue, 15 May 2007 11:01 AM
Dear Debra,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
It is very disappointing to learn of the situation you encountered. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced.
In fact, our customer service is not automated. They have been trained to assist our customers and they are professionals.
However, if you are having problems in contacting our customer service. I request you to call again and below below give you some hints.
When you call us, the system will first ask you for a number five times. It is not necessary to enter a number and if you do not enter one, you will be provided with the menu with various options. You need to say 'Help' from the main menu which will provide you with two options 'Password' or 'Website'. You need to say 'Website' to speak to a customer service representative.
Despite the impression this has left with you, we hope you will be forgiving enough to afford us your continued support.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Frank
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
I set forth below, unabridged, malapropisms intact, and as it occurred (but for identifying info), an actual string of email correspondence. It speaks for itself and, in so doing, tells a very sad story that is also somehow totally hilarious. Is this merely more evidence of what's wrong with customer service in America? Or have I uncovered a neat scam in how these so-called "best rate" sites work? You be the judge - and enjoy.
------------------------
From Me to Orbitz's online email contact address
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 10:42AM
When I booked my stay at the [HOTEL] (confirm #), the rate quoted was $385.36. This included a room rate of $329, plus $56.23 in taxes and fees. This total amount was charged to my credit card and appears on my May bill. The hotel actually charged me a total of $307.76, consisting of a room rate of $269.78 and taxes of $37.98. Will the difference be credited to my credit card and, if so, in what amount? If not, why not?
Thanks.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 12:01 PM
Dear Debra,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
In reviewing our reservation system, I show that you have a confirmed a past hotel reservation titled [identifying info].
With response to your query, we request you to contact our hotel helpdesk at 888-656-4546 for further assistance on this issue. Our Customer Service representative will be glad to assist you.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Harris
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 12:05 PM
Thanks, but I already tried the phone approach and I do not deal with automated phone systems. Like most customers, I find them an exercise in frustration and I suggest that you eliminate them. If phone is the only way for this to be handled, please ask a phone representative to call me at [number]. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 1:55 PM
Dear Debra,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
In reviewing our reservation system and your account under the e-mail address ' ', I see that you have a past hotel reservation titled [identifying info].
Due to a heavy inflow of calls you may experience some difficulty in contacting us. We apologize for the inconvenience this may cause and greatly appreciate your patience.
For security reason, we, at Orbitz Customer Service E-mail are unable to make outbound calls and hence, unable to contact you via phone.
However, for further clarification with regards to your issue, please contact our hotel helpdesk at 1-888-656-4546.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Frank
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 2:04 PM
As I wrote before, I do not deal with automated phone response systems. I will not call again. If my question cannot be answered from your end via either email or a phone call to me, I will simply chalk this up to experience and stop doing business with Orbitz. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 3:47 PM
Dear Orbitz Customer,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused and troubled you.
In reviewing your 'My Trips' and our resources, I show that your hotel reservation titled [identifying info] was a prepaid reservation and the hotel should not have charged you. The only additional charges from the hotel could for any incidentals.
If you have been double charged for this hotel reservation, please contact our hotel helpdesk at 888-656-4546 or if you are calling from outside of US, please contact us on our international number at 312-416-0018 to have this resolved.
We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Nick
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 4:20 PM
You have missed the point of my question. The hotel did not charge me separately. What it did was give me a statement for my records showing what was charged, and this amount was less than what Orbitz charged to my credit card. My question relates to the difference between the $329 room rate charged by Orbitz and the $269.78 on the statement from the hotel. (Please see my original email.) As I have now said several times, I will not be calling anyone. Your automated customer service phone system is a nightmare that I have no interest in revisiting. Please either answer my question via email or let me know that you are not prepared to do so. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Mon, 14 May 2007 7:41 PM
Dear Orbitz Customer,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
We apologize for the inconvenience caused. When you call Orbitz Customer Service, the automated voice would ask you to enter your phone number. You may ignore this prompt. You may be asked to enter your phone number 2 or 3 times, but please ignore the prompt without answering.
You will then be directed to the main menu. You will be asked to choose from Flights, Hotels and Cars. Say 'Help' on this prompt and you will be directed to a Customer Service representative.
Orbitz is a self booking internet service tool where you act as your own travel agent to make your travel plans. We are unable to quote these fares through e-mail, as they are constantly changing.
For further assistance, we advise you to contact the Orbitz Customer Service at 1-888-656-4546 or Internationally 1-312-416-0018, our agents will be glad to assist you.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Yeshuah
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
------------------------
From Me
Sent: Tue, 15 May 2007 9:42 AM
I assume the last few "responses" in this email string are intended as some sort of joke. Please (1) review my original question [identifying info], (2) read the rest of the email string, and (3) let me know if you are able to answer my question via email or not. Please do not send me any further instructions about calling your number. I believe I have made my position on that clear. Thank you.
------------------------
From Orbitz
Sent: Tue, 15 May 2007 11:01 AM
Dear Debra,
Thank you for contacting Orbitz.
It is very disappointing to learn of the situation you encountered. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced.
In fact, our customer service is not automated. They have been trained to assist our customers and they are professionals.
However, if you are having problems in contacting our customer service. I request you to call again and below below give you some hints.
When you call us, the system will first ask you for a number five times. It is not necessary to enter a number and if you do not enter one, you will be provided with the menu with various options. You need to say 'Help' from the main menu which will provide you with two options 'Password' or 'Website'. You need to say 'Website' to speak to a customer service representative.
Despite the impression this has left with you, we hope you will be forgiving enough to afford us your continued support.
We value you as a customer and look forward to serving you again in the future.
Sincerely,
Frank
OrbitzTLC
www.Orbitz.com
Orbitz - The faster, easier way to find the trip you want.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Suddenly a Fan
I've always had a rather dim view of Los Angeles. Whenever I visited, usually on business, the city seemed unwelcoming - vast, too spread out, and not like a real city, despite traffic that made Chicago's look tame by comparison. The preeminence of the entertainment industry seemed to elevate form over substance to a spectacular degree and in ways that, distastefully to me, pervaded every aspect of LA life. Also, it rained every single time I was there. I'm not kidding; I never saw good weather. I had begun to think LA's good weather was as much a myth as Seattle's horrible weather. My suspicions along these lines were fueled by a People magazine picture I once saw of some starlet, bathed in sunshine and wearing very little other than her sunglasses, shopping in Malibu allegedly on a day when I was actually in Malibu and could personally verify that it was cold and foggy.
But I was in LA for two days this week and it was glorious. Oh, sure, there was a pall of smoke from the Griffith Park fire hanging over things off to the east, but the sky was blue, the temperature was in the 80s, and I was in Century City where you can actually walk from your hotel to the office buildings you're visiting (just like in a real city's business district). And the people could not have been nicer. People on the street nodded and smiled at me as I walked from place to place. The hotel staff was unbelievably capable and affable. A relatively new acquaintance offered to pick me up at LAX (a favor of gargantuan proportions, as far as I'm concerned) and she drove me from the airport to Century City via some known-only-to-locals route that involved beautifully landscaped homes and no freeways. My 15th floor hotel room had a real balcony - I sat on it and watched the lights grow brighter in the east (the Griffith Park smoke having further dissipated) as the sky turned from blue to black, and I felt just like I was in a movie (an illusion aided by my location on a street called Avenue of the Stars - how LA can you get?). My trip back to LAX involved the usual freeway snarl, but it was with a cab driver who is an artist from Albania and one of the most interesting people I've talked to lately. And the people I spoke to at two law firms were wonderful: receptive, smart, thoughtful, interesting, generous and funny. It was a great trip.
And the icing on the cake? The trip was bookended by 35-minute flights, a huge improvement over the 4-hour flights that used to be necessary for me to get to and from Los Angeles. I'm actually looking forward to going back!
But I was in LA for two days this week and it was glorious. Oh, sure, there was a pall of smoke from the Griffith Park fire hanging over things off to the east, but the sky was blue, the temperature was in the 80s, and I was in Century City where you can actually walk from your hotel to the office buildings you're visiting (just like in a real city's business district). And the people could not have been nicer. People on the street nodded and smiled at me as I walked from place to place. The hotel staff was unbelievably capable and affable. A relatively new acquaintance offered to pick me up at LAX (a favor of gargantuan proportions, as far as I'm concerned) and she drove me from the airport to Century City via some known-only-to-locals route that involved beautifully landscaped homes and no freeways. My 15th floor hotel room had a real balcony - I sat on it and watched the lights grow brighter in the east (the Griffith Park smoke having further dissipated) as the sky turned from blue to black, and I felt just like I was in a movie (an illusion aided by my location on a street called Avenue of the Stars - how LA can you get?). My trip back to LAX involved the usual freeway snarl, but it was with a cab driver who is an artist from Albania and one of the most interesting people I've talked to lately. And the people I spoke to at two law firms were wonderful: receptive, smart, thoughtful, interesting, generous and funny. It was a great trip.
And the icing on the cake? The trip was bookended by 35-minute flights, a huge improvement over the 4-hour flights that used to be necessary for me to get to and from Los Angeles. I'm actually looking forward to going back!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Two People, Two People
Apropros of my last post, it is possible to feel like two people at once. Ann Arbor was wonderful, and I did feel simultaneously like my own collegiate self and like the parent of my just-graduated son. I've mentioned before that I like the notion of time lapping ahead and back on itself, and this was another example of that intriguing phenomenon. Sitting in Michigan Stadium did make me nostalgic as it reminded me of all the other times I've sat there, most of them 31-35 years ago. But seeing it all set up for commencement (it turns out that about a hundred yards of people graduated, give or take) was new to me, and that reminded me that I was in the present. (So did the disgusting pictures, which were, I fervently hope, digitally produced, of a hacked-up full-term baby brandished by the anti-abortion protestors. I couldn't help but think that while our commitment to free speech was equally strong in the 70s, protestors had either more taste or less access to Photoshop.)
My husband and I also realized as we spent the weekend with our kids - now almost 25 and just 22 - that they are two of the most interesting and convivial people we know. We always have a great time with them, and we can see that they enjoy being with us, too. We are constantly fascinated and impressed by how intelligent, thoughtful, funny and easy to get along with they are. And they're so adult, which somehow continues to come as something of a wonderful shock (and, I suspect, probably always will).
I wasn't much of one for worrying about whether being serious about my own career and working so hard when they were children was a good thing or a bad thing. As with other child-raising (and life) decisions, at each juncture I tried to do what felt like the right thing, to take what seemed like the best course - for my family and for me. I was lucky, I guess - lots of women tell me they felt or feel guilty in the same work/motherhood situation. Guilt isn't an emotion I experience properly (as my mother once told me). I don't seem to feel it instinctively, and I've never thought it particularly necessary or productive. Even so, though, it's awfully nice to see that the results of my child-raising and career decisions are so positive. It's very, very gratifying to have two kids who are not only self-sufficient, mature, think-for-themselves individuals, but also a complete pleasure to hang with.
So, no, I don't miss being my 20-year-old self. Not even in Ann Arbor. Being 20 was great, but this is even better.
My husband and I also realized as we spent the weekend with our kids - now almost 25 and just 22 - that they are two of the most interesting and convivial people we know. We always have a great time with them, and we can see that they enjoy being with us, too. We are constantly fascinated and impressed by how intelligent, thoughtful, funny and easy to get along with they are. And they're so adult, which somehow continues to come as something of a wonderful shock (and, I suspect, probably always will).
I wasn't much of one for worrying about whether being serious about my own career and working so hard when they were children was a good thing or a bad thing. As with other child-raising (and life) decisions, at each juncture I tried to do what felt like the right thing, to take what seemed like the best course - for my family and for me. I was lucky, I guess - lots of women tell me they felt or feel guilty in the same work/motherhood situation. Guilt isn't an emotion I experience properly (as my mother once told me). I don't seem to feel it instinctively, and I've never thought it particularly necessary or productive. Even so, though, it's awfully nice to see that the results of my child-raising and career decisions are so positive. It's very, very gratifying to have two kids who are not only self-sufficient, mature, think-for-themselves individuals, but also a complete pleasure to hang with.
So, no, I don't miss being my 20-year-old self. Not even in Ann Arbor. Being 20 was great, but this is even better.
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